Maternity blouses. Please explain.

Maybe I just don’t look in the right places. Maybe it’s just that I only started getting maternity blouses now that the end of the 2011 retail season hit, and all the maternity sections seem to be magically diminished to a couple of racks of paisley blouses and some odd-looking denim capris with elastic that doesn’t even go high enough on your belly to count as maternity jeans. By the way, I have one pair of mid-belly maternity jeans, and I am convinced that my ass is shrinking while my belly is (very slowly) growing. My ass is falling, y’all. Ridiculous. Anyway.

Why is it that all maternity tops must be horizontally-striped and/or show off the grand majority of one’s boobs? Come on – as if pregnant women really have a desire to appear larger than in real life thanks to a poorly-designed blouse. Unlike me, who has actually lost 10 pounds since her 8-week confirmation appointment, there are women out there who actually are showing by their second trimester, and have no desire to look larger. Even more, no woman wants to look bigger than she really is – so why the horizontal stripes, pregnancy tops?

Why must the necklines – v-neck, scoop or otherwise – be somehow so low as to show off half my bra when I first put on the top, and show off the rest of my boobs when I finally adjust you to the point that the empire waist is sitting somewhere on my underwire? My breasts are growing quite nicely, but no one has to know that just by glancing at my neckline instead of my shirt in general. Is a decent non-boob-showing shirt too much to ask? Without horizontal stripes that make my boobs look two cups sizes larger than in reality?

Am I just way too new to this maternity shopping thing? Or is this a constant design flaw?

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